So part of being in a relationship with someone who’s not American, is understanding what it means to be in a binational relationship. The implications of such is that one is American, and one isn’t. No big deal.

For most couples, the adjustment of a multicultural, binational relationship might be most for your family and friends and involve a bit of learning- thats probably the fun part. They probably didn’t know what to expect- what they’d eat, act like, take offense to, etc. My partner is Mr Happy and likes everything and is so laid back that I think everyone just found him “normal”. Well, normal for me at least. ha. Regardless for most families getting used to the fact that theres a new person in a family members life who is non traditional might be tough. For my family and friends, having my partner be non traditional meant nothing but something exciting and interesting. Until it meant limitations.

Now that we are in a binational relationship in exile, things are different. Now what it means to me is no longer just binational, but gay and binational.

You see, if one is in a male-female traditional relationship, the option for binational couples to settle together via marriage is there. Marriage for heterosexual couples where one is a citizen of the US provides a fast route for permanent residency. For gay couples, that option does not exist. In other countries like England, France, Portugal, Australia, and many more there are options.

One reason it doesn’t exist in the US is the Defense of Marriage Act from 1996, which mandates that for federal purposes marriage is between a man and women. This act allows states to also amend their constitutions to not recognize any other type of marriage. Because of this, one can get married in Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Washington DC etc but not have it recognized federally. Henceforth, gay marriage provides no path to immigration. Immigration is a federal issue, and if the marriage isn’t federally recognized than the immigration sponsored on behalf of that marriage is not legitimate.

There are other avenues for gay binational couples. One that I’m currently experiencing is living abroad where we can stay together while waiting for things to change in the US.  For a fee, my visa here can become a permanent residency by applying and getting a defacto partner visa. This is actually applied for by both hetero and homosexual couples, and allows for residency based on proof of at least one year in a committed relationship. This comes at a cost- six months ago this was under $1000 and has now jumped to $2700. It takes anywhere from a couple months to a six month period for approval.

Other couples bide their time between two countries. I know of a lesbian couple that spends six months at a time between London and New York City. This essentially limits any consistent income source and interrupts lives between both sides of the family.

Lastly, there are other options- specialized work visas, academic based visas to study and the annual Green Card Diversity Lottery is an option. All, are not easy. To go to University would require money, the lottery is luck based and millions apply for the 50k given out, and the specialized work visas may or may not apply to you.

Currently we are speaking with the empathetic and kind people at Immigration Equality, who assist couples and asylum seekers with paths to immigration. Besides offering advice on paths to immigration for binational couples, they also offer assistance in fighting for equality for marriage and immigration. They’ve helped many couples live together in the US via asylum or assistance to the best attorneys. They’ve been heavily working to push lawmakers to sign on to the Uniting American Families Act, which if passed would end discrimination for binational couples once and for all.

To help- www.ImEqActionFund.org